Friday, June 04, 2004
(12:03 AM) | Anonymous:
But..is it worth me trying?
Once, in high school, a friend of mine gave me a ride home, though somewhat drunk he was, while I was, as always, sober as a new born mule. But, still, I am a sucky driver and was 10 times worse then, plus I had no clue where we were, nor where we were going, so it was probably for the best, I thought. This friend, whom I shall call Crazy George to protect the innocent, like on MathNet, was seemingly doing a fine job of driving..his perception wasn't significantly altered. Little did I know, however, that his judgment was rather messed up. He drove this tank of a cadillac, which will become important in a few sentences.Crazy George looks over to me and says, "Robb, you ever hit a parked car?"
I look to Crazy George with a queer look upon my face and say "Wha". Before I can get the last consonant out, there is an extremely loud BAM! and a jarring jolt of gambogic crotaphion gemmosity (by which I mean the jolt was like a yellowish, gem-like substance rocking the greater wing of my sphenoid bone) as we rail directly into this parked car. It scratched Crazy George's car, it completely impaled the driver's side door of the other car. Crazy George had this great, bellowing pirate laugh. He laughed for an extremely long time. A harty "HAW HAW HAW!" in true Jack T. Chick form. Seriously, I think that's why I enjoy Chick tracts so much, because I have Crazy George's laugh in my mind whenever I read the angels laughing at those being thrown in Hell.
The moral of the story is - friends don't let friends drive drunk..unless you want a great story to tell later on in life. No, but seriously..you shouldn't do it. But, it is a pretty good story, especially when told in real life, with sound effects. In fact, all of you should read that story aloud, adding your own sound effects. In this way, we'll COMMUNI(ty)CATE.
As a postlude to this prelude, making this somewhat of an interlude, Crazy George found great sport in hitting parked cars. I heard once that he was so drunk in the McDonald's parking lot, however, that he attempted to do this very thing, but continually missed and hit signs and curbs instead. This is the epic tale of Crazy George, the craziest little monkey.
I did often wear a yellow hat back then. But it had a plush duck's head sticking out the front, and plush feet out the back, with little wings on the side..my head serving as the abdomen. In short - it was not of the ten-gallon variety that would better serve my purposes.
The Darkness - Permission To Land
Oh, The Darkness, what quandries you make for me. Darn you like they darned that cat in the movie "That Darn Cat!" But..you might remember, that though the allergic cop does feel such feelings for the cat, in the end, the cat saves the day and finds the bank robbers/kidnappers. At least..I think that is the case. I had a self-imposed restriction against that movie because of the swear word "darn" when I was young, and have little desire to see it now.
Yet, the thing about the Darkness is that, dangit, they're good. Why is this bad? Well, I curse my coworkers very loins all day because I am force fed Quiet Riot, AC/DC, RATT and all the rest. So, imagine my cognitive dissonance when I return to my car and sing along with "A Thing Called Love". I can't love the parents, but I can love their horribly out of place bastard child. It's not a pity thing either, and I don't think it's even a novelty thing. I simply love this band with love enough where I would gladly carry their sleepy body to the ends of the earth with my wings while my mother, the love goddess, chased us both, even though the stupid girl didn't have to be all sleepy if she just wouldn't have looked in the box.
See..the thing is, there's no reason for me to like The Darkness. It's not like they're doing something new or better than, say, DOKKEN..it's pretty much the same standard. Crazy guitar-riff oriented big arena music interspersed with ridiculous ballads. But, when The Darkness do it, it hurts me real good.
Some things are unexplainable. Were Kurt Warner to play the same number of games as Dan Marino, Kurt Warner would have 494 TDs and 70,000 yards, as opposed to Dan Marino's record 420 TDs and 61,000 yards. He was the fastest to 15,000 yards. He was Super bowl and league MVP. His QB Rating is the highest in history, and he has a 66.4% completion percentage, while Marino had a 59.4%. Yet, Kurt Warner was in the arena league and stocking shelves at the local Meijer's for a reason. He's a terrible athlete. He has a terrible arm. His throws are the most wobbly things I have ever seen..I'm convinced I could throw a much tighter spiral. Yet, this man, so inferior to every other QB in every facet that should matter, is now arguably one of the greatest QBs of all time.
In much the same fashion is The Darkness. Call it a timing thing. Maybe it's just something that Muse has prepared me for. Maybe it's just that I've always been too scared of the implications of actually admitting to liking Iron Maiden and WARRANT to actually listen to the music. I don't know. For whatever reason, I can't say a negative word about this absurdity from Wales. So God Bless Them, a legion of hair bands would still be better than a legion of pop princesses. Except the Simpson sisters. They can stay. Heck..all of them can stay, as long as Christina Aguleira is no longer allowed to go with the albino look she sported for a while. But..there should really be a seperate MTV for just the hot women whose music sucks, with it permanately muted. They could call it MTV Porn Hits or something..to go along with their 30 other channels on my digital cable. This was not how I wanted this thread to end up, but I guess you can't screw with destiny. Wasn't taking liberties with free will what got us kicked out of the garden in the first place?
Ruby Joe - Sinking the 8 Ball
I tried to find some information on Ruby Joe, or at least a website to link to. I didn't really find anything, but I did find a dead message board with only one thread. The thread read: "Anyone order a PIZZA???" and the text read thus:
"Hello all u people out there who hate talkin'!!! How's it goin'??? I thought that pizza thing would get some attention...
So, tell me, what's your favorite band? Huh?"
This got LOLs all around. The market value of a LOL has to be in the negatives with the flooding that's taken place in recent years. It used to be an honor to draw a laugh from someone. Is it just that people like acronyms that makes it so easy to give out these tokens of laughter? Because..this is really making me look back on the years I've spent telling terrible jokes and getting no response until I make some depreciating remark about how bad the joke was, and if all the young yokellers today simply get a free ride, well, that's really frosting my cookies.
There was a time in Christian Music when Rock-a-billy was picked to be the next big thing. I think it started when Tooth and Nail signed The Wednesdays, and a few other bands. And then all the upstart Christian labels (that would later be enveloped into the large Christian labels..) signed a rockabilly group. Seeing the trend develop, many a punk band, or the ska bands who had jumped from punk earlier in the game but missed the gravy train, switched to trying out a Stray Cat Strut. The result was something inbetween foil pudding and the shape of my nose.
Buddy, the delusional old wank at work, often says to me and anyone else who is a little "tubby", "What's this? Building a monument over a dead business, eh? ha HA!" I think that phrase probably sums up Ruby Joe. They mean well, but the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Which means the road to heaven is paved with bad intentions..which may explain the The Darkness thing. Hmm. Anyway, this cd wasn't very good and made me want to castrate myself and my cats. Probably another band who suffered from being signed to a national deal too soon (though I have nothing to back me up on that), or suffered from too much exposure to Rev. Horton Heat, I'm not sure which. I know this CD is bad, because even when I only listened to Christian music, and only had that to compare it too, I still punched myself in the uvula for having spent $15 on it.
However, now that a member of Hot Little Rocket seems to have actually visited the site, I am paranoid. In the case of Hot Little Rocket, it was one of my favorite bands of late (it would be the favorite, except Muse is enjoying a resurgence in my home CD playing). But, if anyone from Ruby Joe comes here, I'll feel just terrible. So..um..if you are a former member of that band, I must say that this was all a big joke on this buddy of mine who's a big fan of yours, I just like to kid and poke fun at him by making fun of whatever he likes.
I am such a terrible liar.
The Beatles - Anthology 3 (Disc 2)
Before I start..it should be known that I just went out to see if my cat would come in because it's all 2 AM. He was on the freaking roof, and crying bloody murder because he didn't know how to get down. I had to go and get the ladder to get him down. So ridiculous..I still can't figure how he got up there, apart from flying - which is totally possible.
We still love the Beatles. This disc was most notable because it had the first version of "The Long And Winding Road" that I didn't immediately crack up. The "real" song always sounded like they just took some elevator music and threw words on top of it. It's the only Beatles song I hate, at least that I can remember right now. It's no world-killer here, but it's listenable at least..not nearly so fru-fru goofy.
The Anthology sets were pretty cool, even if they were simply a marketing ploy, like we see with Beatles stuff every few years. Somehow they keep finding "new" songs, or new takes, and releasing them, and now that John AND George, the only two members of the group with a soul are gone..I hate to see what kind of commercial melee may await us yet. But, I don't care really, I'll still buy it. Even if it's a mix of The Beatles with Ben Harper's Fight For Your Mind called "Fight For Your I, Me, Me, Mind"..I'm all over it. Because that's the sort of gullible sap I am. And, heck, there's still something incredibly, amazingly cool about hearing John sing "Mother Superior Jumped THe..oh..sh**..wrong chord." I giggle.
Beulah - Yoko
I bought Beulah's "The Coast Is Never Clear" on an impulse. The cover art looked amazing, and the album title was cool. What greeted me was an amazing album. So smooth as to be touch-able nearly. Somehow the music just wraps around you like a feather boa..and is just as throw-caution-to-the-wind glorious. The CD was a great comfort during the tumultuous summer wherein I moved to Oklahoma City and left The 'Vet.
Back in 2003 they released another album, Yoko. (I didn't plan for the correlation with the Beatles cd..that sort of coincidence always happens with my car cds..somehow). It is somehow, miraculously, better than "The Coast..." And it's cds like this that make me burn with hate for Pitchfork and similarly rudy-poo, too hot to hoot (that's a palindrome) music magazines. They somehow call this album a 6.8. For the non Pitchfork-ites, that means "Has it's moments, but isn't strong."
I must question, then, what the heck? Is it just simply too brilliant? Are the horns and other various instruments that are brought in without ever being overstated..just too good? I can think of no way for this album to possibly be better. Yet, to not even get the "Nice Enough" 7 point rating is just flatly ridiculous. I can understand people having different opinions, but I'm completely lost here. There's several taboos for getting in with the underground. This is the trouble with "that" crowd..if they sniff any hint of good production values, they automatically skew the album in a negative light. If there's any mention of God, even if it's "oh god, my head hurts" in a lyric, the album is going to get a negative review because Christianity is for the stupid (see any Pedro the Lion review ever written, see the fact that Sufjan Stevens somehow didn't make the top 3 in some self-proclaimed indie magazines best of 2003). There's just certain code words that those seeking indie cred use to tell them what "the scene" will think. It is a shame, because if they could get over themselves for a minute, they might be blown away by the superior song writing of Beulah.
And, really..after reading the review, it almost seems that the writer is saying just that. The thing is, while amazingly beautiful, this cd is beautiful in a way where you can tell much effort and heart was poured into it, yet it sounds completely effortless. This is definitely a summer album, but for a summer where your girl dumps you, but you don't really care cause she was all skanky anyway. And that's the crux of the cd - I think if you put it in while in a terrible mood, it'd make you feel happy. That isn't to say you'd forget your problems, it's not like it's a Beach Boys record where you float away or something. But, like that friend who knows the right words to say, this cd seems the type to somehow speed you along to the point where you can actually laugh about the terrible things that happened to you, even while in the midst of their terrible-ness.
I really like this CD.
Camerate Academica Des Salzburger Mozarteums f. Geza Anda - Mozart: Piano Concertos 26, 27 & 4.
Did you guys know Mozart wrote "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star"? Yeah..me neither, until it was on this Snapple cap I got this one time last year. He did it when he was like 5, too. Weird, eh?
This was the 8th disc of the 8 disc set. Huzza!
Silkworm - You Are Dignified
I'm not real familliar with Chicago's dearly beloved Silkworm, to my detriment. I got this CD because it has a cover of Pavement's "And Then..." (which later was reworked into The Hexx). This is one of my favorite Pavement songs, and here it is far from immediately recognizable, yet amazingly well covered. This whole EP is covers...brilliant, brilliant covers. It's all done acoustically, and brings such a new light and grace to a lot of amazing songs. Perhaps the best song of the five is Shellac's "Prayer To God"..I don't think I've ever heard acoustic guitar sound so dark. And, the chorus of "F*ckin Kill him..f*ckin kill him..kill him already, kill him, amen" has come in handy to sing under my breath when annoyed.
It also served to remind me of when I was 5. My grandmother yelled at me for doing something I shouldn't have done..I probably told her to shut up or something..I did that a lot..but, I instantly dropped to my knees in prayer. My grandmother was overwhelmed at my sweet repentant nature, and moved to come closer to comfort me. She got closer, and heard me mumbling "get her God...get her God.." over and over. Oh to be young and innocent and believe that God would actually lightning the heck out of your enemies...
Is it alright that I'm having a bit of a love affair with the Mandolin and the Banjo? I mean..I know three ways aren't prudent..but with musical instruments, doesn't it all go out the window anyway? Well..there's a lot of Mandolin here (the banjo love is rubbed off from Sufjan)..which makes the indie classics (?) covered simply amazing. Wonders are worked on Bedhead's "Lepidoptera". Without doing so much with the extra instrumentation as to be cliche' or overdone, Silkworm has achieved what I'd always want if I ever did a covers album (a covers album will definitely follow MC Mirrors & Tinsel's upcoming album, tentatively titled "Though I've No Idea Why") and that is to make the songs almost seem original, to be different in some great and exciting new way. I mean..I guess it's cheeky when all the punk bands take old 50's songs and speed them up and call it a cover..or when Audio Adrenaline and DC Talk take 70's drug songs, change the words, and have big hits that 90% of the youth group listeners never realize are covers..but something is different with Silkworm. There seems to be more of a respect here, the songs are loved, and they seem so familliar with them as to not have to sit down and figure out the notes, but just play it from memory. And, somehow in that process, the songs are reflected off something new. This sort of familiarity is essential for a good cover. For some reason I remember an episode of The Young Indiana Jones where he was learning jazz trumpet. His mentor had him play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star (composed by Mozart!) over and over, for weeks. Indiana thought this was stupid, and was hateful of the teacher. But, in the end, because he knew how it was supposed to go inside and out, his improvisational technique was unmatched.
Covering a song should be like learning a new language..you take on all the drapings and fancy-footings of that language, but what you say is totally up to you. I respect Mandy Moore for doing covers of old 70s rock songs her fans have never heard..but it just seems to be more productive when it's not just showing off your CD collection.
For the record, they also cover Robbie Fulks' "Let's kill saturday night", and Nina Nastasia's "That's All There Is"
And..that really is all there is. See if you can find the exact point in this post where I suddenly and unexplainably got extremely tired. A bottle cap to the winner!
