Wednesday, December 15, 2004
(1:39 PM) | Adam Kotsko:
A Very Chiropractic Christmas
At the chiropractor's office, we're getting into a festive, holiday mood through the use of repetitive music subjection therapy. I'm normally not "into" Christmas (Bah humbug! Ha, ha), but this time around, the music is so good that even cynical, liberal Adam can participate with just as much joyful vigor as all the underemployed "just folk" in this blighted town. A big part of it is simply a matter of giving me contemporary music, music I can relate to. For instance, did you know that Eddie Vedder had a Christmas song? Nothing says holiday cheer like good ole Eddie Vedder (yes, that Eddie Vedder!) wailing about the memories of "when [he] was a kid."Another contemporary hit provided me with a mildly embarrassing moment: the two doctors were in the middle of a conversation right next to my desk, and all of a sudden I asked aloud, "Is this Tori Amos?" The younger doctor said, annoyedly, that he didn't know, then clarified to the older doctor that I was asking about the music. That, to me, is what Christmas is about: a creeping feeling of self-loathing and of being out of place.
Much of the new Christmas music that has been produced has been of admittedly negligible value. For instance, the soulful song that goes, "And this Christmas... wiiiiillllllll bbbbbeeeeeee... a very special Christmas.... for meeeeeeee" -- I fucking hate that song. Or the country-ish song where they're talking about e-mailing Santa (Dixie Chicks?) -- I fucking hate that one, too. The worst has to be Paul McCartney's Christmas music, though. "And so this is Christmas" is a brilliant name for a blog, but it's a terrible, cloying song. Even worse is "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time." For a guy whose band was bigger than Jesus, he sure writes shitty holiday music -- though maybe he's trying to sabatoge Christmas and replace it with Beatlemas.
If we're being rigorous, the only Christmas song that stands on its own merits musically is clearly "Greensleeves," and that wasn't even originally about Christmas. Well, unless we count "Mary, Did You Know?" by Mark Lowry, but that's not just a Christmas song. (Incidentally, my dad once did an acoustic version of the song, and it was a lot better than the over-produced "canonical" version with orchestra and choir. I'll post about my dad's band after I get a Christmas update on whether he's found a new singer -- my dad's the founder of a prog-rock band, and my mom is just about to graduate from college.)
UPDATE: "So this is Christmas" was actually by John Lennon. Also, Jesse submits that "O Holy Night" not only stands on its own musical merits, but it is superior to "Greensleeves." This requires discussion, I think.
