Monday, December 19, 2005
(9:20 AM) | Adam Kotsko:
Carman: Musical Terrorist
Last night Anthony had a friend over who brought some old Christian music videos he had found. There was a DC Talk one (from before they went with the lowercase "dc"), which was annoying and naive without being really offensive -- even when Toby Mack dedicated the song that goes "Some people have to learn the hard way" to the prison audience they were playing for, one thought, "What a dumbass" rather than "What an asshole." They were basically just well-groomed celebrity airheads -- one could take this as the point where Christian music had truly gotten the imitation thing "down," on an almost ontological level.What was offensive were the Carman videos. There were several highlights. Probably the best was when he gave his personal testimony of feeling the Lord wanted more from him: "Was I going to be a Christian musician, or a musical terrorist?" The second was evidently going to be a step up in terms of devotion. (Admittedly, this was back in the early 90s, before we all knew that terrorism was bad -- 9/11 changed everything, etc.) After deciding, apparently, to be a "musical terrorist," he cut to a live performance of the deeply personal song that came out of that spiritual journey, introducing it with some probing questions: "How many of you love the Lord? How many of you want to give your all to him?" (Here Anthony interjected: "How many of you want to strap a bomb to your chest and rush into an abortion clinic?")
Carman felt a special burden on his heart for America. The sad thing was that he apparently had nearly constant paranoid delusions, such that he wouldn't recognize the real America if he saw it. For instance, even in the worst inner-city school, I'm pretty sure that murder and rape aren't "the rule." I remember crying myself to sleep the night before my first day of high school, which would have been when Carman's career was at its peak -- I'm sure that this vision of America's high schools as a haven of violence was a big part of my anxiety, which turned out to be totally unfounded. He had a big emphasis on prayer in schools, even claiming that the Kennedy assassination was punishment for abolishing the practice. A "hedge of protection" fell when we -- everyone say it with me -- kicked God out of our schools. The Supreme Court banned God, and God had no choice but to comply! We can hope for a reversal of the court decision, but until then, God's hands are tied -- his omnipresence no longer includes American classrooms, and the evil secularists have insulated the walls with prayer-blocking materials, such that if a student tries to pray, the signal will never make it to heaven. What a weak, petty God Carman must worship.
There was also the charming moment when Carman derides the PDA taking place in our nation's schools, then cuts to a scene of a black guy making out with a white girl. The situation is rectified in the course of the video -- after the Christians (led by Carman and Petra's John Schlitt) forcibly take over the school, there is a scene of inter-racial Bible study. Much hilarity ensued as we clever disaffected evangelicals riffed on Carman's suggestion that Bibles should be passed out instead of condoms.
I'm also pretty sure that the Founding Fathers weren't also the founders of the Christian religion -- which is the impression that one would get based on the complete lack of references to the Bible (that is, the words contained in the Bible, rather than using a physical Bible as a magic charm) or Christian history (aside from a bizarrely distorted vision of the Inquisition wherein an expectant martyr suddenly "turns the tables" on his captors and starts kicking some serious ass!). There are denunciations of the religious apartheid against Christians -- in the same video that includes the inter-racial make-out scene as an example of what's wrong with this nation -- and declarations that the secularists have had their turn and have nearly destroyed the country. "It's our turn now!"
They ended up having to wait about eight years, through the nightmarish peace and prosperity of the Clinton years -- but boy, was it worth the wait! An uncontrollable debt load, financed by foreign bankers; a needless war, sold to us by lies; torture as a regular practice of our military and intelligence services, and as a major topic of informed debate in the mainstream media; a growing gap between rich and poor -- I'm so fucking glad that those evil secularists aren't in charge any more.
I can't believe I was subjected to this shit. It's unimaginably embarrassing that, whether I ever "believed" it or not, I used to be willing to spout this kind of stupid shit. That's what it is, just stupid -- this idea that a bunch of Enlightenment deists were charismatic Christians, this idea that our schools are "war zones," this idea that everything was good in the 1950s (including, apparently, racial segregation, though we can't come right out and say it), this idea that Christians are a persecuted group. It is stupid shit. And it's uniquely American.
The 1800s at least got something interesting like Mormonism, with a whole new Scripture and an attempt at a whole new social structure to go with it -- we get this as our own little home-grown brand of Christianity. This historical parallel does give us some hope -- perhaps the generic church-growth style Evangelicals will be satisfied if we just give them Colorado.
