Wednesday, August 02, 2006
(2:39 PM) | Adam Kotsko:
Rampant Self-Pity
So this morning I got a call -- a part-time job that would've fit really well with my schedule in the coming semester didn't end up coming through. I felt like I had totally blown the interview (as I tend to do with all interviews anymore), so it was hard to feel very disappointed. Anyway, that reminded me to e-mail the market research people, who had told me that my one assignment for the summer (as opposed to last summer, when I worked for probably about eight or ten weeks) would be beginning either today or tomorrow. This would be an Internet-based research thing, and would be pretty much my only paying work so far this summer.Almost immediately on e-mailing my supervisor for the market research thing, the Internet connection cut out. Obviously this would be a problem for doing Internet-based research. It's incredibly hot out, so I decided to give it a couple hours before giving up and going to the library. After three hours, I finally broke down and called Comcast, who are my least favorite people to talk to, and they told me basically that ... my cable was out. Apparently just mine. Not a billing issue -- but they could definitely send a technician right out, on Friday. Suddenly when I actually need the Internet, as opposed to the normal situation where it's the greatest obstacle to my self-actualization, it's not going to be available for days at a time.
Fine, so while I was on hold with Comcast, I had decided to just go ahead and walk down to the public library. This is about a half-mile walk, one-way -- not a big deal, but still, it's hot out. I fill out an application for a library card, then present it to the lady at the desk. She won't accept it because I haven't updated the address on my driver's license. She then told me that yes, you do need to have a library card to use the free wireless service in the library, but that I could give her a piece of mail with my new address and get the card. This would obviously add a mile of walking time, lugging my laptop, in very hot weather, so naturally I was disappointed. Plus this comes in the wake of my girlfriend and I deciding last night to continue the "break" that we've been on since we got into a big fight a couple weeks ago -- but one of those kinds of fights that is based on a fundamentally unsolvable underlying problem, a structural issue.
So I just sat down outside the library for a couple minutes -- trying to convince myself not to take all these things personally -- then walked down to the local coffee shop with free wireless. I buy the cheapest thing on the menu, then sit down to get to work. I've never actually used the wireless on my laptop before, so I expected to have to configure something -- but it was just getting no signal whatsoever. The barista couldn't help me, but noted that most people have like ten options for wireless networks come up, just from around the neighborhood. Awesome.
I'm fiddling with settings, etc., for like twenty minutes -- thinking to myself that if I just got a bum wireless card, it's obviously not going to work in the library either, so I'm just screwed, internetically, and this would (once again) be at precisely the one point where I actually need to have Internet access. Then I notice in one of the dialog boxes, "Make sure your computer's wireless button is turned on." I scour the outside of my laptop for some kind of button, and sure enough, it just wasn't turned on -- it was a button that I habitually push every once in a while, and before I had just assumed it was the equivalent of the old-style "Turbo" button, kept for the same reason that the "scroll lock" key continues to appear on keyboards.
Anyway, now I'm obviously on the Internet, and I found out that I probably won't start this market research thing until Friday anyway, and I'm still in the running for a reception job at school (which I had assumed I didn't get, because I hadn't heard from them) -- and wow, things are looking up!
I think that this summer I've managed to keep from wallowing in self-pity to the same degree as last summer, at least. Long-time readers and former roommates can attest to the continued decline of my drama queen tendancies. It still sucks that the project that I worked on for market research was not available this summer, though, and it still sucks that I didn't sell my truck and pay off all my credit cards, and it still sucks that I can send off fifty resumes and not hear back from a single one (including one for clerical support for a chiropractor's office -- the one thing in the world that I'm qualified for!), and it still sucks that my one realistic chance for a flexible part-time job has just about the longest possible commute -- but at the end of the day, I don't even really want to work at all. It's just that I chose to go to this small school and I chose to go through my coursework at a break-neck pace that is making finding work nearly impossible. And I don't know what I'd rather be doing right now or where I'd rather be going to school. All the stress with money, or with relationships, or whatever else, is unfortunate and distracting, but the fundamentals here are solid. I am doing what I want to be doing.
Still, donations are welcome. For donations of $100 or more, I'll write a post in praise of you. For $500 or more, I'll write an even better one. Sadly, donations are not tax-deductible, because The Weblog is a radical political organization and can't accept the restrictions that come with being an official non-profit. That's the level of authenticity you're dealing with here.
