Monday, December 18, 2006
(9:06 AM) | Adam Kotsko:
Hurray for the Global South!
Christians in the Third World are making their totally unique and non-Western voice heard by -- scapegoating gays! I'm so glad that we have all these heroic African bishops willing to take a stand on this, because it never would've occurred to any Westerner to call "the growing acceptance of gay relationships a 'satanic attack' on the church."And of course, the true sign of a stalwart defender of the church is to poach another bishop's parishes, since the sacraments don't "work" if they're performed by someone you disagree with -- or even someone who is institutionally connected with someone you disagree with. Or wait, no: actually that's Donatism. But if you think about it, isn't Donatism a good thing? Hell of a nice name for a movement. Rolls off the tongue.
Maybe we can finally establish officially what everyone is clearly thinking: that God became human, died on the cross, and rose from the dead so that we wouldn't be gay. We can rewrite the Nicene Creed to include this topic, preferably in the first line. "We believe in one God, the Father almighty, maker of heaven and earth, of all things seen and unseen, except the demonic homosexuals whom he hates." And although apparently the "condemnation" of gays is the single most obvious thing in the entire fucking Bible, maybe we could clarify and somehow add an entire new book that could go into exquisite detail about how much "God hates fags." Perhaps this could be called "The Epistle to the Faggots."
In fact, once we got that under control, we could just delete the whole rest of the Bible, except for a couple verses in Leviticus, so that no Christian would ever be distracted by ... um, that other stuff that Christianity is about. I know that one would normally list examples here, but I've already forgotten all of them. Anyway, here's the important thing again: God became human so that he could walk around beating up gay people. That could work for a creed, too -- short and easy to remember, and it cuts to the core of the gospel message.
