Wednesday, September 12, 2007
(1:17 PM) | Brad:
Cunninglingual Confessions
I hate talking about my dreams about as much as I hate hearing others talking about theirs. But sometimes exceptions must be made. Sometimes, the erotic and horrific and humorous all come together in a most perfectly sublime harmony. Last night's dream was an example of this. I offer the dream now without any commentary, filling in as few narrative gaps as possible.*******
For some reason, in some place, I've chanced upon a meeting with Hillary Clinton. Nothing formal, mind. We're just chatting. And, I'm surprised to learn, she is a cool lady. In my dream-world, there is a second female presidental candidate, and Hillary's disdain for her is harsh and hilarious. Sure, I deeply disagree with Hillary's political positions and proposed policies, and I tell her so, but I find myself enchanted by her raunchy sense of humor and quick wit.
At some point, after descending via a strange, circular elevator that spirals down a pole for no good reason, I find myself in a limousine with Hillary Clinton. Her cell phone rings. I find it odd that she hands it to me, but it is perhaps odder still that it seemed normal for me to answer it. On the other end is Bill Clinton. "Hey, Brad! It's me, Bill. Can you put Hillary on the phone?" How does he know my name? How does he know I'm with his wife? In a moment of slight paranoia, I get a sense that they've put together this elaborate rendezvous, using their connections and their power, and for a split second suspect I should be be frightened.
But .... the next thing I know I'm going down on Hillary Clinton. That's right, me, between her milky white thighs, slightly stubbled skin, blue skirt over my head. (Sadly, I cannot report on the gynecological conditions experienced, as my dream-perspective remained as though that of camera from the upper-right corner of the back seat; but for the sake of fun we'll just assume she's gone Brazilian.) Bizarre enough, I suppose. And yet, remember, Hillary is on the phone with Bill. What is she saying, I wonder? Is she talking politics, discussing dinner plans, etc.? No, in fact. She is talking dirty to him. Very very dirty.
And then, I woke up.
