Saturday, August 30, 2003
(12:35 AM) | Anonymous:
McFury
I have reached a new low.
While sitting in line for my McDonald's on the way home from work tonight, I noticed a sign I have seen many times before. It was advertising the new Hi-C and Dr. Pepper flavored McFlurries at McDonalds. Every other time since this promotion first started in June I have turned away in disgust. Tonight however, the topic of what I should write here on this weblog was prevalent on my mind.
And so, in my enormous stupidity, I thought, "Well, if it sucks I can write a post about how horribly debaucherous it wasI think by now my ample foreshadowing has let you know how absolutely great this fun experiment was.
See, apparently this is a specific-to-Oklahoma promotion, or so the Dr. Pepper website says. (Yeah boy-o, I did some research.) Apparently Oklahoma is far and away the #1 Dr. Pepper drinking state in the nation, by some 4 trillion units sold or something. In typical Oklahoma fashion, we can't handle the full on actuality - Cherry Coke - thus we crave and rave for the watered down mutation - Dr. Pepper.
Anyways, because "we love our Dr. Pepper so much," we get this little special kick-back from McDonalds. Unfortunately it is aimed a little low.
The trouble with the Dr. Pepper McFlurry comes in deuces. First off, they get bad marks in presentation. The "Dr. Pepper flavored" peanuts look exactly like something that Grimace dropped out of his rear in the excitement of being chased by the HamBurglar - only, slightly smaller than Grimace would put out. Maybe they were dropped by the Fry Guys. I don't know, but by any count, it doesn't make me say "hmmmm" in that sexy and appealing way.
They also get severely graded down in the concept department. Who in the hifaza thought of this? I mean..did someone seriously sit down one day and go, "You know what'd be great to reward the people of Oklahoma for drinking lots of Dr. Pepper? Lets take some chocolate-covered peanuts and saturate them in "Oklahoma's Favorite Drink" for days on end, and once they are on the brink of decomposition we'll throw them in our delicious vanilla ice cream." Who thinks of that? Who thinks the people of America, or at least Oklahoma will stand for this mockery? Someone got payed massive amounts of money to come up with this crap, and I don't think it's unreasonable to expect them to give me back at least my $1.27 I payed to play the fool for them.
The third and final area where this failed was execution. There's no mention of any chocolate-covered peanuts on any of the signage or various commercials I've seen. They just exhort you to try the "new Dr. Pepper McFlurry." I had no clue exactly what I'd be getting. I had to leave open the possibility that I was just going to get a cup of Vanilla Ice Cream which had been held under the Dr. Pepper fountain drink dispensor for a few seconds. I can't say that would have been any worse.
To sum up, I'd like to thank the elderly Mexican lady who spoke little English at the drive-thru counter. Evidently, she pitied me the suck-bath I had coming, since she gave me an extra box of fries with no charge.
I'd also like McDonalds for the experience, it has been a while since I felt the urge for some serious religious cleansing ceremonies and ablutions. Indirectly, they have put me better in touch with Christian historical tradition. And I think therein lies the unstated goal of every fast food restaraunt.
