Saturday, September 17, 2005
(11:49 AM) | Adam Kotsko:
The Peanut Butter Question
In this post, I plan on conclusively answering the following question: "Which type of peanut butter, smooth or crunchy, is superior?"First, I will look at smooth peanut butter. It has some distinct advantages, not least being that it more closely conforms to the idea I would form in my mind if my memory were wiped of all knowledge of peanut butter and someone -- perhaps George Washington Carver -- were to tell me that people sometimes make butter out of peanuts. It is more easily spreadable, and it is easier to regulate the precise amount to be put on the sandwich. For all that, it has the definite disadvantage of being much stickier; when I eat sandwiches made with smooth peanut butter, my mouth also feels drier afterward.
Now, to turn to crunch peanut butter. As noted, it is not as sticky as smooth peanut butter. Also, if smooth peanut butter more closely resembles butter, chunky is much more peanutty. No other common sandwich filling is as crunchy as crunchy peanut butter, and I think that's important. We need a variety of textures in our sandwich fillings, and crunchy peanut butter fills an important niche. There are some definite spreading issues, however. Particularly on toast, crunchy peanut butter has a tendancy to tear the bread apart during spreading. Sandwiches made with crunchy peanut butter are also more susceptible to jelly drippage.
My solution to this age-old conundrum is a revaluation of all peanut butter values. In short: why can't we have both? Why can't we have choices in the middle of the tired dichotomy between crunchy and smooth peanut butter? Our nation's orange juice manufacturers have already mastered the fine art of regulating the amount of pulp in orange juice, ranging from "no pulp," to "some pulp," all the way to "lots of pulp." Perhaps some kind of exchange program could be instituted between the orange juice and peanut butter industries in order to share this lore, resulting in peanut butter with "some crunchiness." I would be most happy with a smooth peanut butter that also incorporates a third to half as many peanut chunks as the typical chunky peanut butter. This would provide us with the crucial crunchiness that is missing from most sandwiches while at the same time insulating us from the infrastructural problems caused by excessive crunchiness during the sandwich-making process.
I encourage everyone to write their senators and representatives about this matter.
[British readers who don't like peanut butter can discuss whether they prefer chunky or smooth marmite.]
UPDATE: It just occurred to me that British-style peanut butter already is the midpoint that I'm looking for! Anthony mentions that, more generally, organic peanut butter might already achieve my primary goals.
All of this confirms what I already thought as I disgustedly pushed "publish" -- this is the worst post I've ever written. (Please post any rebuttals, with links, in comments.)
