Tuesday, May 20, 2008
(5:00 AM) | bitchphd:
Tuesday HatredLet me begin with the most salient hatred, which is this: I hate the fact that, having agreed to hate, I am actually feeling untroubled this evening.
There are, however, many things worth hating, even if that hatred is, for the moment, a rather abstract hatred.
I hate the fact that I have somehow become one of those people who owns way too much crap, especially clothing. I hate that I have become someone who owns groups of clothing in more than one size. I hate that, while cleaning my son's room for the last two days, I've been forced to confront the fact that he has *way* more books and crappy plastic toys than any child needs. I hate having to decide what to do with all his stuff: donate? yard sale? I hate the idea of a yard sale. I hate that this paragraph of hatred makes me sound like an affluent suburban mommy, or that it reveals my affluent suburban mommyhood. Whichever.
I hate worrying that my son's recent emotional upsets over growing up might be signs of Something Terribly Wrong With Him rather than, perhaps, unusually self-aware and articulate expressions of normal feelings. I hate that part of affluent suburban mommyhood includes worrying about crap like this.
I hate important things, too. I hate everything about our current government, for instance. At the same time, however, I hate that that particular hatred has become so very normal that it's faded into the background, to the point where it almost can't be described as "hate" except for those rare moments when one reads a news story that's even more heinous than usual, or when one accidentally happens to hear the president's smug, shrill little voice on the radio or tv.
I hate the fact that I want another beer, but suspect that I may have just drunk the last one. I hate that if I want to find out, I'm going to have to stand up and go to the kitchen.
I hate knowing that this is probably the lamest hatred, ever.
[UPDATE: Tuesday Love is now available.]