Wednesday, June 16, 2004
(1:00 AM) | Anonymous:
"I already did"
In the spirit of VH1, I declare this the Best Week Ever! I don't have corny pundits and would-be commentators to tell you why it was such a great week, but if I did, they'd definitely consist of an 84 year old bus-driver named "Blue", a 29 year old black man with an afro who is often rewarded with the sounds of Big Ben's chimes, Whoever created the computer virus "Sandbox", and...I don't know..Mavis Beacon for a good round number of panelists.Whatever happened to Mavis Beacon? Although I did prefer the Mario Teaches Typing version..there was something about those beautiful, almost boy-ish locks, that long graceful neck, the smile that says you've been told to smile a lot in your life. Yes, that's right, even in pixelated form, I've never wanted anyone more. Could Mavis Beacon please join our blogging team? You could at least count on really quickly written posts. For someone who has taught America so much to be forgotten, and not given her own spot on The Surreal Life is truly a crime. God bless you Mavis, I'll name my first born after you, no matter the sex.
I think Mavis is pretty androgynous at least. Maybe not.
Anyway, I went to Iowa this past weekend. We saw the Bushrag. It was this truck with like..a tank body on top of it, so it could shoot tornadoes. It did not rag on Bush. Nor did it call Bush a "rag". However, in attempting to find the specs of that glorious vehicle which greeted us upon returning from the party bus, I did fing R.A.G. Bush..which is Republicans Against Bush..cause he's not being conservative enough. Weird. I then got to feel like I was in the Bushrag on my way home. But we'll save that for later.
How am I to speak at length about the weekend when all has been described by m2? Such a glorious time was had. It is indescribable, mainly because describing any of it might hurt me if I ever choose to run for political office. They dig that sort of stuff up when you run for Ward 3 Sewage Commissioner. But, it is enough to say that I saw 9/15's of The H Is O in full military regalia. And it left me in erotic awe and wonder. I may never touch myself the same again.
What?
Man..there is so much more to say in that regard, but with the enormosity of m2's post, and the even greater enormosity of the weekend itself, I am in utter inability to describe it. Let us just say that it made me feel nautious, but in a way that was marine, and indeed, somewhat healthy.
On the way home, I ran through Hell. And it was pretty cool. The Gipper was doing well. OH NO I DIDN'T. I really shouldn't have. I'm regretting now the fact that my backspace key doesn't work. But, no, like, apparently, there were some 30 tornadoes in Iowa, Missouri and Kansas that night. Let us just say that I hit 'em all. The last hour's drive was normal rain, but for the rest I liberally had to use both lanes to avoid tree branches and what not. Many people were pulled on to the side of the road, we call such people "nanceys". I also hadn't told my mother I was coming home that night, but rather sunday, because I didn't want her to worry. Lightning struck within 100 feet of my car at least 6 times. For all of the day afterwards, I could close my eyes and see 3 of those 6 bolts still eminating off of my eyelid. Or whatever it is that you see when your eyes closed. Once, a bolt struck a tree, and the tree was instantly engulfed in flame. I was looking directly at this, and my right eye has burned ever since, about once every 5 hours it will start twitching uncontrollably for many minutes on end. What's more, that very same bolt fried my stereo. So, I had nothing to listen to for the last half of the trip home. But, at least I made it through each of the CDs once, so I can still do a CD change post about the road trip CDs, should the good Lord tarry. Yeah..it was this.
It was all good though, I called m1 from a rest stop inbetween topeka and KC, just so if I died, people would have some rough estimate of where to start looking. It should have taken me 8 hours, instead it took me 13 and a half. I rolled into Yukon at 8:30, called my mom, and after she calmed down, she had the gall to ask if I was going to church. And then - this is the fun part - I was pretty awake, so I did. I then got home from church at 1 and slept until the next morning.
This whole post up until now has been simply for about 15 people with some interest in what's been described. I'll try to speed it up, sorry. I'm in a mood to make really corny jokes or play NBA Live 2004 all night..this is never a mood in which one should take up a keyboard.
So, here's the amazing part - the part I had to post about. When the Pistons, my Pistons, the same Pistons I sat in my friends two-room trailer and listened to win a championship when I was 7, made it to the finals, I did a frivelous thing. I saw that many places online were offering 100-1 odds that the Pistons could defeat the lakers in 5 games. I figured, in the spirit of the game, that I could spend 10 bucks on making the games a lot more interesting. So, yeah, I made $1,000 tonight. I very, very nearly put down $100 dollars, but then figured I better not since I was going to Iowa. But - as long as one doesn't take into account the fact that I very nearly could have had $10,000 dollars, I came out pretty well this week. One thousand on the game, minus ten dollars and 75 cents lost in that place with a lot of "lights" and "noises" that mark described..minus the cost of fixing my stereo, which was about 50 dollars, minus the cost of the massive hail damage to my car..which actually doesn't count since I'll just let my car look more like crap - and I come out to a postiive $939.25.
Blogging hard or hardly blogging?
