Of course I'm nervous. I've spent at least a $1000, if not more, applying to six graduate programs. That's really not a small chunk of change when you're 22. I did it hoping that in the end I'd be rewarded with a tuition remission and stipend. So, yes, I'm nervous. Filled with the same apprehension that comes when you're bluffing at the poker table, but you think you might pull it off.

It's like that too. I'm trying to bluff these graduate committees. Sure, I'm relatively intelligent compared to the general population of the United States, but when that's your relative model it's nothing to brag about. The truth is I don't even understand the basic rules of grammar, and furthermore when I get frustrated with a logic problem I'm more inclined to give up and check this damn blog or go to sleep than will to power through it. I'm a hack.

It's no wonder than that I've been having dreams about this whole process. The other night, in dreamland, I received my acceptance letter and full tuition remission/stipend from Syracuse University. It was really exciting and guess who wrote the acceptance letter? Slavoj Žižek himself who is apparently an adjunct in the Religion Department at Syracuse, in dreamland. The letter, in a particularly dreamtime only move, was actually a duffle bag full of plastic cups and other college gift shop junk emblazoned with the Syracuse University logo.

While I was excited, I was hoping to hear back from Villanova instead. Unfortunately they didn't send me a duffle bag/acceptance letter. No, from Villanova I received a very cryptic bill for $500 and some odd change. I still can't figure out if that meant I was accepted to the program but owed them $500 and some odd change, or if that was my fee for rejection.

Dr. Freud, what could all this mean?