Wednesday, February 23, 2005
(7:28 PM) | Adam Kotsko:
Wednesday Night Commercial Blogging: The Subway Toasted Subs
There are multiple flaws in this advertising campaign. Let's just take one commercial, the one in which the woman puts the sandwich on the roof of her snow-covered car while she looks for the ice scraper (Anthony and Hayley have contributed substantially to my critique). First of all, why would one put a hot sandwich into the snow at all, unless one were an idiot? Secondly, would she not notice the snow's disappearance before getting out of the car, due to increased light and drippage on her back? Thirdly, if the sandwich so quickly melts snow, how was she able to handle it without sustaining major injuries?The same basic complaints apply to the one where the cops find two guys sitting in a steamed-up car eating sandwiches -- if it were so hot as to fog up the entire car on an apparently mild day, how could they eat it? A more realistic commercial would show the cops approaching the car in a panic, hearing blood-curdling screams.
A recent addition to the cycle shows a young girl sabatoging her friends' snowman by placing the hot sandwich in its arms. My question: how could it simultaneously melt so quickly, but also melt so selectively? A dwarf snowman remains after only a few seconds, but it does not melt further. Combining this with the first commercial analyzed, are we to conclude that the sandwich always applies its heat selectively, and thus be comforted in our anxiety that the heat will burn our mouths? But what is the mechanism of this selectivity? Obviously, in the first two commercials mentioned, it cannot be the conscious intention of the consumer, although perhaps it is arguable that the sandwich is picking up on the manifest intention of the woman to clear off her car and the nascent homoerotic tension between the two young men. Perhaps only children, with their supposedly more direct connection with their emotions and desires, can control the sandwich's fearsome might consciously. But would this not mean that the sandwich is magical, perhaps even sentient? What are the long-term health effects of eating a magic sandwich, or the ethical implications of eating a sentient one?
In short, this ad campaign raises more questions than it answers, ultimately distracting the viewer from what is, in the final analysis, the most important question: hasn't Subway always had hot subs? What's the big deal?
