Thursday, January 25, 2007
(12:25 PM) | Claire:
Selected Ontological Questions
Due to my holding a soul-crushingly boring job, I am able to formulate tons of ontological and otherwise-classified questions. I have determined that in order to continue to build a beloved community on the Weblog, it is necessary for me to externalize my philosophical inquiries. With this post, I hope to ignite a dialogue of greater than or equal to fifty comments. Can you help me achieve this?1. What if drowned polar bears started washing up on the shores of Lake Michigan?
2. If the above event took place, would people in Chicago take global warming more seriously?
3. Why does my hairdresser ask me if I'm dating anyone and then proceed to give me progressively dyke-ier hair styles at each appointment?
4. Why did no one on Unfogged respond to my clever comment about a blow-up party sheep?
5. Why do so many men think that having a wife or girlfriend will solve all of their problems?
6. Why do I work at an HMO, but believe in universal healthcare?
7. Why, on multiple occasions, has Victor the maintenance man tried to fix my melting freezer by removing a container of oatmeal?
8. Why do so many callers fail to understand the mechanism of voicemail and accuse me of "transferring" them to voicemail, when, in fact, the intended call recipient failed to answer the phone?
9. Why does every caller have a child with ADHD?
10. Why do I feel a profound disdain for and impatience with each caller?
11. Why does my HMO consider it an achievement authorize a maximum of 5 inpatient days of treatment, regardless of the severity of the patient's mental illness?
12. Why does the sweaty, pie-faced, human-swine hybrid of a co-worker always look over me instead of at me?
13. Why did a homeless man on the corner insist on calling me 'captain'?
14. Why am I tempted to huff the spray dusting compound on my desk?
