Tuesday, April 03, 2007
(12:29 PM) | Claire:
Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder Rage FestThis week I realized that, in addition to my myriad mental health problems, I am also a rage-a-holic. What incites my rage? Oh, I don't know . . . the onset of menstruation seems to be a factor. Before menstruation, I feel the distinct sensation that my head is on the verge of exploding. This will manifest itself in my behavior as my making progressively more sarcastic comments with an accompanying deadpan affect. In the days leading up to the shedding of my uterine lining, the following types of people should steer clear of me: (In case you're wondering, these are my hatreds.)
--People with no personality.
--People with no personality who have realized that a personality is an asset and are attempting to cultivate 'quirky' habits.
--People who need to share boring stories about their new habits in order to up their quirky street cred.
--People who go into too much detail about their cat's daily activities.
--Passive-aggressive, cheese-fry-fueled men whose clipped Chicago syllables are forced through what I imagine is a hardened fat and oil-lined larynx.
--Callers who speak in an exaggerated sweet, Southern drawl, who all the while demand to hold and tie up the line instead of leave a voicemail.
--Callers who say, "And how are you today?" but don't wait for me to answer.
--Spastic, mentally-unstable women who are always sprinting from one floor to another and are too important to take any calls.
--People who reminisce about the buffet at Claim Jumper and excel at office politics.
--People who take every opportunity to turn a benign comment like, "Oh, the database works," into an chance to issue a snotty comeback, like, "It's been working."
--Sweaty-browed drama queens who can't stop talking about how terribly sick or busy they are.
And this, folks, is what I hate. Oops, I was so blinded by rage that I forgot to link to the Tuesday Love. There, that feels better.