Tuesday, December 04, 2007
(2:58 AM) | it:
Tuesday Hatred: Not Enough Funny Pigs In the World Edition
I hate that, despite being almost thirty, I somehow think that setting up a LOLpig site would be a productive use of my time. I hate that I'll probably spend Christmas doing this very thing, despite having a book to finish by December 31st. I hate that I haven't yet started the book, due to a combination of excessive amounts of teaching and rampant socialising. I hate having to teach Aristotle for four-hour stretches. I hate his boring reasonableness, though I suspect he would have been good at coming up with captions for my virtual LOLpig site.I hate that my blush response is completely knackered, so it looks like I'm really nervous or angry at completely inappropriate moments. I hate the biofeedback effect of blushing, such that the realisation that one is going a bit pink leads to one going a bit more pink. I hate how the maladaptivity of the human animal is made so persistently frigging obvious when the mere idea of it would be just as effective.
I less hate than am bemused by the person who sent me an email yesterday which contained the line: 'I have to say you do come across as deeply strange and a bit of a weirdo (no offense but that just my view).' Deeply strange and a bit of a weirdo? Honoured that I could be both, Sir! My correspondent goes on to say: 'You approving post on a woman cutting up a pig prompted me to email you' and 'Well I hope you grow up someday (maybe once you hit 30 and have some real responsibilities)' But Sir, I've just told you, I'm going to set up an LOLpig site! What would you have me do instead? Get a job in the city? Get knocked up? Achieve a mortgage? (At least two of these things are categorically impossible). I mean, isn't it enough that I'm contractually obliged to teach Aristotle, for God's sake? What could be more bleeding mature that that? Pshaw!
Erm...I also hate America*. Hate me back!
*I don't actually hate America. As I recall, it's full of sublime levels of doughnut choice and all the cops in New York look like extras in a film about cops in New York, so horrah for that. But I thought we could generate some US-UK special hatred so we can talk about bad teeth and imperialism, or something.
