Tuesday, January 15, 2008
(11:13 AM) | bitchphd:
Tuesday Hatred: Hating Ben Wolfson
Good morning, all. Or afternoon, I guess, for you east coast freaks. Long time no hate. I come to you today because "fucking Ben Wolfson," as Mr. Kotsko calls him, "said he'd do the Hatred today" and yet--no hatred. So I told Kotsko that I'd write a hatred all about how I hate Ben Wolfson, which he (Kotsko, not Wolfson) agreed would be satisfactory.So here is my hatred for the week of January 15. I hate Ben Wolfson for saying he'll hate, and then not hating. I hate Ben Wolfson for being indifferent to--nay, I suspect actually disagreeing with--how much I hate being the "crazy, irrational" poster over at Unfogged. (For an example, see this discussion, in which my willingness to entertain the idea that maybe a paraplegic sprinter should, actually, be allowed to run in the Olympics means that I'd "demand that the New York Philharmonic add an electric guitar section" just because I felt like it!! That's how irrational I am!!! I make demands and have the power of ruining the New York Philharmonic by forcing them to integrate those horrible modern instruments that the kids all listen to nowadays!! Or something like that.)
I hate Ben Wolfson because his current state of academic ennui might be sort of like my current state of everything ennui, and because ennui is hateful. I hate Ben Wolfson because he doesn't hate the same things I do. I hate Ben Wolfson because it is his fault, indirectly, that I don't have my Bad Ass travel cup, and I hate Ben Wolfson because he is going to ask me what the fuck I'm talking about and then deny that it's his fault. Which is the kind of totally hateful thing he does to me all the time. I hate Ben Wolfson because his name came up in a discussion with someone else the other day, and because the other person and I disagreed about whether or not his (Wolfson's, not the other person's) presence in the world was hateful (oddly, I was actually arguing that it wasn't, or at least that it should be ignored), and because there we were, arguing about Ben Wolfson. (Not really, but sort of, in a small way that's suitable for exaggeration just to fuel my hatred.)
I hate Ben Wolfson because he will no doubt be completely indifferent to the fact that I just got a completely irritating email from my kid's school's head teacher telling us that the kids are *not* going to be trying out for the district talent show tomorrow after all, because they're just going to submit a DVD instead--a change of plans that is hateful because it is coming at the last minute, after three fucking messages sent home about how Important it is to Be There Tomorrow for the Talent Show Tryouts!!! and because I just had a fight with my husband about how am I going to get myself and PK to the talent show tryouts tomorrow without the car?!? and because I had to explain to PK for half an hour the other day why the tryouts were important, why he couldn't just do whatever he wanted, and that it was going to be fun!! and now it turns out I was wasting my fucking time. I hate the fact that actually assemblys like that, where the family shows up, *are* fun for kids, and now the fucking thing is cancelled because the school's head teacher can't get his fucking act together. I hate knowing that Ben Wolfson thinks my petty mommy hatreds are boring, and that Ben Wolfson kind of thinks my kid is a spoiled brat, actually, even though he (Ben Wolfson, not my kid) has been a lot nicer about that since the last time I told him how much I hated it.
I hate the fact that Ben Wolfson flaked on writing the hatred so I had to. I hate the fact that I've actually sort of enjoyed writing this hatred, and that I owe that enjoyment to Ben Wolfson. The hateful bastard.
[Editor's note: Tuesday Love is now available.]
