Sunday, January 28, 2007
(2:58 PM) | Brad:
Where All Secrets Are RevealedNow that Bitch, PhD has linked to Adam's most recent post about meta-blogging -- because, yes, the internet needed yet another such post -- and if you don't believe me, just ask Adam himself, a man so demure & humble that he hosts his own group blog under the URL www.adamkotsko.com -- the Weblog is bound to get an unfathomable number of new links and hits. I hope you paid the bills, Adam, 'cause I'm not so sure this rickety shack can stand so many new guests -- oh wait, that's right, if you didn't you'll surely get enough money via yet another "I'm a poor, yet profoundly clever, doctoral student, so please PayPal me some money, or at least buy me a book" scheme. Anyway, a couple of pointers for those who are new to the Weblog:
(1) Adam Kotsko is an internet rock star. He has, at my last count, fucked all of the contributors -- yes, myself included -- typically without ever calling again -- as well as at least 80% of the commenters, and a good 50% of all who populate the Valve -- thus the rumors of his infamous penis scar that made the rounds at the most recent MLA & AAR. The bloggers at Long Sunday, apparently, have thus far rebuffed his advances. This is what I'm told anyway. Such is, of course, just more proof that they are not worth reading. As Adam says, when he unblocks me on IM chat, "To me, Brad, fucking & blogging are the same thing -- the two cannot be separated. If I don't want you in my bed, I don't want you in my Bloglines. That's the only metablogging theory that's really necessary." Gawd, Adam Kotsko rawks, doesn't he?And
(2) Everyone else who blogs here at the Weblog effectively function like opening acts. The shittier we are, the better Adam Kotsko looks. Sure, as at concerts, occasionally an opening act outshines the headliner, but you can be sure they won't be invited back for the second-leg of the tour. The same goes here at the Weblog. All those old contributors you once loved, the ones you never see or hear about anymore -- Adam has destroyed their blogging careers. I'm still sorry about how you were treated, Young Hegelian. Not even fleeing to Long Sunday saved you. Anthony & I, two of the longest-running contributors, are kept around clearly because we are the village idiots, truly unclever poseur-bloggers, whose only useful function is to highlight, via our marked contrast, Adam's casual brilliance.
(3) Old Doug Johnson is homo sacer. Or, barring that, he is the coming of death itself. It really all depends on his mood.
(4) Claire, plain & simple, is not to be fucked with. Seriously. I'm so afraid of her I don't dare say anything else.
(5) F. Winston Codpiece blogs from his cell at Gitmo, using a ThinkPad he cleverly disguised as a Qu'ran. I'm sorry if I've outed you, Codpiece, but it is for the sake of the blog. If this is not the case, and this is what Adam told one evening after he had his way with me & I was cleaning up the unused honey & marshmallow puff, Codpiece is actually Bret Easton Ellis in disguise.
(6) Amish Lovelock is a ninja. He, too, is not to be fucked with. In addition to any number of political assassinations -- he is, at last check, not employed by Adam Kotsko, and in fact the Weblog variable that truly frightens him -- he has ghost written at least four of Zizek's books -- five if you count On Belief, which he sent to Routledge as an indecipherable text message. This, of course, explains a lot, and is not something he is proud of.
(7) Dave Belcher is in hiding from Adam Kotsko. He is not to be trusted, but you can probably go ahead and fuck with him.
(8)Thomas J. J. Altizer is Adam Kotsko's personal bodyguard, and is currently in search of Dave Belcher. When he isn't blogging here, he is plotting your demise, or at least that of your god.