Thursday, July 15, 2004
(1:37 PM) | Adam Kotsko:
On Marrying a Box Turtle
Michael Bérubé falls prey to the facile liberal "reasoning" that "it really doesn't affect your daily life very much if your neighbor marries a box turtle." The poetry that he quotes regarding his perverse love for a bee, inspired in part by his box-turtlophile neighbor, begs the question of whether it might actually affect "your daily life very much." Very much, indeed!Society is not made up of atomized individuals. It has a certain shape, a certain character. Of primary, originary importance in our culture is heterosexual marriage! It is imperative, if our very culture is to survive, that each person have another person of the opposite gender with whom to watch television and (decreasingly as the years go by) have sexual intercourse, and thereby to train our children to watch television and have sexual intercourse with members of the opposite sex. Some people may want to mix and match, for instance, watching television with a member of the same sex while having sexual intercourse with members of the opposite sex, or vice versa, or some may even prefer to do either or both with a box turtle, goat, alligator, or shark.
Such people's desires are understandable. (And by that I mean, understandable by other hypothetical people, since I have never had such desires and never plan on having such desires. I have always been a heterosexual, and I enjoy being a heterosexual. In fact, I have a picture of a beautiful woman set as my wallpaper on my computer:
[I found that picture at Melting Object, a weblog that is updated on a biannual basis.] The woman's name, I found, was Szavai Viktoru, and I have grown so enamored of her that I have labelled The Weblog as a fansite dedicated to promoting her fame and happiness. She is like an old friend now, after months on my computer screen. "Oh, still looking up toward the corner, Szavai? Well, carry on!") However, those people's desires must be relentlessly repressed if society is to have the distinctive character that we as the American populo have chosen (i.e., opposite-sex couples committing to watch television and have sexual intercourse together). Preferably, these people would repress the desires on their own, simply from a logistical standpoint, but if legal coercion, marginalization, and outright violence are necessary to repress those desires and to convince waverers that they should learn to stop worrying and love the cock/cunt (whichever one they don't have), then it's worth it, so that every American can know that every night, every cookie-cutter suburban drywall box, every run-down apartment, every mansion, every manufactured home is occupied always and only by a couple made up of two members of the opposite sex, staring vacantly at the television set, hating each other, but biologically equipped to have sexual intercourse that leads to procreation (with any and all children brooding in their rooms, chatting with pedophiles in online discussion forums, cutting themselves, snorting coke, etc.).
Society needs protecting.
