Monday, June 13, 2005
(12:56 PM) | Adam Kotsko:
Monday Hatred [Updated with new Monday Inner Peace]
My allergies have started in earnest. That always makes me feel bad, disproportionate to the physical symptoms, because I just feel helpless. It is a problem that will never go away or be cured. Every time I have to blow my nose, I just get more and more angry about it. You'd think that I'd be used to it by now, but I think it's parallel to how women are always surprised by their periods even at age 37.The sociopath cat seems to be picking up on this background radiation of frustration in my life. He is now lunging toward me every time I walk by, and it gets less and less amusing and cute every time. This morning I grabbed him and locked him in the bathroom. Yesterday I had a friend over who must have smelled like another cat, and the sociopath cat went completely insane -- so embarrassing. He normally would have run away, I'm sure, but since I was obviously standing where my friend was, and since he has to be spying on me constantly at all times, that wasn't an option.
[EDITED:] I waited until I felt I absolutely needed a student loan to begin the process for getting a student loan. Now, I learn that my in-between status, of having graduated even though I'm immediately continuing at the same school, is causing problems for that. The earliest we could possibly do it, apparently, is July, if it is even allowable at all. I should have just taken an incomplete on one of my Spring courses, I guess, because then I wouldn't have graduated yet. So frustrating.
I turned down a couple different temp assignments last week because I was expecting to get called for a follow-up interview for a full-time position that seemed like a safe bet, but they never scheduled the interview and they are apparently continuing to look at other candidates. Plus I forgot to call the temp agencies on Friday with my availability. The job interview I did get was for a part-time web design job that doesn't even start until who knows when.
I don't know what to do.
UPDATE: Apparently I have some freelance report-writing coming my way relatively soon now. Hegelian that I am, I had assumed that I would only be able to move on to the next level of the Gainfully Employed Soul after tarrying with the negative and hitting rock bottom in my current stage of Unhappy Poor Unemployed White Man With a Masters Degree Consciousness. I had miscalculated, though! I thought that I had hit rock bottom last week some time, but the cunning of reason outsmarted me -- the real rock bottom was when I had virtually no money and the student loan process turned out to be not quite as automatic as I had expected.
The Tuesday Hatred will continue as normal tomorrow. This was not so much a schedule change as a supplement to our normal hatred schedule. I apologize for using my blog to air my own personal complaints/desperation, even though that is what I have been using the blog for since literally day one.
I'm thinking about taking up Zen meditation to help me stay on an even keel even though bad things happen to me. I tried a couple different kinds of Christianity for that, but it didn't work as advertised. I'm sure that Eastern Wisdom will help me to emotionally unplug from the corrupt and unjust system under which we all struggle to get by, some more than others. Eventually, I'm sure I'll be forced to try psychoanalysis [I know all about psychoanalysis, but as an obsessive neurotic, I am very unlikely to seek treatment. In fact, learning so much about it is likely itself a defense mechanism against seeking the old "talking cure"], but for right now, I need something a little less expensive. Once Zen has helped me to fit in as a more efficient capitalist cog, I'll have the funds I need to pay someone to harrass me so that I become conscious of the psychic structures that are determining my life. Wo es war..., you know -- but for now, we're leaving es very much wo it is.
